Posts Tagged ‘friends’

“What are you smiling about?!”

What am I smiling about, Dom? No matter what’s happened, no matter the outbursts you’ve subjected me to in court, I’m fine. I’m achieving my goal in the next few minutes in this aerie that’s my lawyer’s office: Liberation.

You’ve said a lot of shit about me to the media. Why anyone was willing to believe such a classic case of projection, I don’t know, but never mind. I’ve gotten a clean bill of health and soon, I’ll never have to see you again.  Ever.

What a shame you convinced yourself – and me – that you were the marrying kind or that libel would get rid of your guilt about cheating (and cheating and cheating and cheating). Tatum’s said I’ve been too merciful, that I should sue. No,  the world sees you for what you are, and that’s enough. An inadvertent public service, really. Oh, here comes Tatum with the papers! I’m giddy! I’ve got my own pen, thank you!

I’m with someone else – not in the business, bless. Hardly anyone has friends out here, but Marc’s my friend. He’s read a book or two. He’s been by my side the entire time. He treats me with real loving care. He’s an actual adult. I’ve heard he’s been compared to “a young David Gilmore” too, which I didn’t notice before, but, woohoo!

And look at you, Dom. An immature, creepy sex addict. ‘Get my revenge’? When you already have to live with yourself? Completely unnecessary.


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“Bon! What are you doing here?”

“I… No one’s seen you for months, so…”

“Come in.”

“Where’ve you been?”

“Around. You know.”


“Yeah, I… No.  Lost my job. Unemployment’s a joke. My savings are… I’m being rude. You didn’t come here to hear this. I’ve got tea.”

“No, I’m good. Why haven’t you told anyone what’s happened?”

“I’m not looking to bother people. If I’m in a jam, I’ll get out of it myself. Told my parents.”

“They haven’t offered any help?”

“Sort of, but I said I’d be fine. They’re not rich. Mind, Cookie’s right under you.”

“A kitten!”

“A stray I took in.”

“Oh. Hi, Cookie.”

“Look, at some point I’ll get something. I’ve called every temp agency in town.”

“You need a real job, not temp work. I wish you’d said before now.”

“I’m not going to be that person who brings everybody down. Friends don’t do that.”

“’Good-time party buddies’ don’t do that, maybe. Friends help each other. If I lost my job and came to you, would you turn me away?”

“Of course not.”

“Well, then. I thought something might have upset you, so I decided to come see you and find out. I’ve missed you, Celia.”

“Bon. What a time to tell me this. I don’t know what to say.”

“Let’s just sit here a minute and not say anything. That OK?”

“All right.”

“I’m only sorry I didn’t show up sooner than this.”

“You’re here now, though. Thank you.”

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“A children’s book? You.”


“What sort of children’s book?’

“You know ‘Little Bunny Foofoo’?”

“Forest, field mice, bopping on heads?”

“Yup! Gonna reconfigure Foofoo as a ninja! And the field mice are assassins sent over to the kill the fairy, and…”

“You stop that. You stop that right now.”

“What? There is nothing wrong with my idea!”

Everything is wrong with your idea. For a start, why would a fairy need a bunny ninja? Don’t you think that fairies, beings with magical powers, you remember, can protect themselves?”

“Well, I…”

“And if you want cute, tiny creatures that can cut a bitch, we’ve already got Pokemon. What were you going to call this trainwreck?”

Foofoo Ninja.”

“No. I’m not going to let you do this. What age group were you going to sell this to? What mother in her right mind would buy such a book for her child?”

“I was gonna do it like a comic book?”

“Then you’d be the Ed Wood of comics. Seriously.”

“You never like my ideas!”

“Because they’re stupid! Poo-shaped cereal? Spark-shooting drumsticks? Collapsible TVs?”

“That last one is a good idea!”

“Look, I know you want to leave a legacy, but I don’t think inventing is your forte. Or writing. OK, OK, don’t look so sad. How’s the story end?”

“Foofoo and the fairy get married.”

“Aw. That is sweet.”

“Then they start taking over the world from New York City. I’m thinking a Nickelodeon series!”

“Stop thinking. Please.”

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“You’re pretty good for a guy who’s never around kids.”

“What? Oh, holding babies. He’s a cute little thing.”

“It’s on purpose.”

“I’m glad Fiona’s not here to see this.”

“Fiona’s not gonna be around long enough to know anything about you.”

“Hey…! Well, you’re right, probably not.”

“Dad wants to know how long you’re gonna ‘pump and dump’ these women.”

“Everybody’s eyes are wide open. Tell him that. Dad and his phrasing.”

“It’s why we made out like bandits.”

“I’ll never understand why you stopped. We miss you, man.  As your brother, I can say that.”

“Remember Chicago? Three years ago?  That show was everything I dreamed of; the energy, the flow, it was…magic. Any show after that would be just chasing the dragon. I knew it. But at the same time, I missed Cassie so much, it was like another guy was on stage, without her there. Only way I can explain it.”

No chick would ever get me to give this up.”

“You wouldn’t let any woman get that close.”

“What, you’re Freud now? Sheesh!”

“Nobody’s saying you’ve got to let it all go and get an office job. But you’re 32. Think about your legacy.”

“Five platinum albums are my legacy. The sun gonna blow in 5 million years, anyway, so who gives a shit about legacies? I’m gonna enjoy my life.”

“Well, all righty, then.”

“I’m not putting down your choices, OK?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“He is a cute kid.”

“Thanks. Cassie helped.”

“Dude, shut up.”

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“The book says he thought he’d made it to China.”

“You’re gonna take the word of one book.”

“Why are you such a cynic?”

“Not a cynic. Skeptic. Cynics believed something off the bat and got burnt. I never believe anything straightaway. Anyway, Columbus knew he wasn’t in China. For one thing, no one onshore was wearing any silk. Think about what makes sense. Find the original sources. Don’t just swallow stuff.”

“And when you’re wrong about something?”

“Then I’m wrong. I totally accept that.”

“Mom says you ask too many questions.”

“Mom says a lot of things. She’s human, though. She’s wrong sometimes.”

“I won’t tell her you said that. What?

“You’re 17.”


“You’ve never disagreed with what anyone in authority has told you ever, have you? Mom, police officers, books… Ask questions or the world’s gonna run over you.”

“Right. Mom says your big mouth’s gonna get you in trouble. You’re gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time and they’re gonna fuck you up.”

“Really. Mom said, ‘fuck you up’?”

“OK, no.”

“Oh, stop looking so hurt. I just don’t always take what people say at face value. That’s all.”

“Now I see what she meant. Don’t throw things in people’s faces.”

“Don’t lie then get mad when people don’t believe you. I see a few things, myself.”


Cherie looked at little brother Alan and her stomach sank. She hoped she wouldn’t have to become a cynic in the end.

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“Hmm hmm hmmm hmmm hmmm…”

“What’s that you’re humming, Julius?”

“Old song.”

“Sing it. Where you were just now.”

“Those educated babies are a bore; I’m gonna say what I said many times before… Oh, the dumber they come, the better I like em, ‘cause the dumb ones know how to make love…”

“What… why would you sing a song like that? The nurses get offended at every little thing around here, and you start in with that?”

“It’s Eddie Cantor, Leo, you know! Bug-Eyes!”

“I know who he is.”

“Saw him sing live! In his prime!”

“You did not see Eddie Cantor live, Julius.”

“Yeah, I did!”

“No, you did not. You’re not old enough to have seen Eddie Cantor; what, you were a sentient gleam in your mother’s eye, maybe? Don’t make me call you a gonif. You’re my friend and I wouldn’t want to say that about you.”

“I’m no gonif!”

“Then be quiet. Anyway, I saw you in the room looking on the computer, there, yesterday. The place on the computer that shows the little film clips. You saw it there.”

“It’s called YouTube, Leo, it’s amazing! All the films I thought I’d never see again! They’re right there!”

“So you were lying a moment before, Julius. Why do you think I would care so much if you saw Eddie Cantor in person? I like you already.”

“Eddie was a big star!”

“Feh. ‘Star’. He was at our house often enough.”

“Oho, now who’s the gonif?”

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“What does ‘needy’ mean, anyway? Half the time, people say you’re needy as an excuse not to give a shit about you and only stick around for the fun times. I mean, were you using Keith to validate your existence?”


“Well, then.”

“I don’t know, Ellie, but that’s what Crystal said, and…”

“Crystal!? No, no, no… Crystal thinks that if you didn’t climb Mt. Everest, graduate simultaneously summa cum laude from Harvard with a first-first from Cambridge in quantum physics, make an Oscar-winning film and had five number one Billboard pop hits in a row by the time you turned 9, you’re a loser. So I would disregard any definition of ‘needy’ she might have.”

“But she said that’s why Keith dumped me, because I was too needy.”

“What did he say, Claire? Wouldn’t what he told you be more germane to the issue?”

“He said he wanted to be with other women, that I didn’t do anything wrong. He just really, really wants to be with other women. It’s better, he said, to be honest about it and let me go than to cheat on me.”

“Wow. I guess, eh? OK. In any event, Crystal ‘s wrong. Wait. One of these ‘other women’ isn’t Crystal…?”

“No, he says she’s a bitch.”

“Oh. Well, stay yourself. Someone out there will like you for you, someone you’ll like back. Better than Keith, definitely. You’ll see.”

“Thanks. You know, he talked a lot about you during our conversation.”

“Did he? Oooh, boy.”

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